OWK (Anand Vartman)
-The story of the dream-

 

I have dreamt something ­ a beautiful, nice dream. Yet shortly before waking up, one of the lovely dream-figures became hysterical. All of a sudden she had this terrible fear of dying. She told me that I must not wake up, for otherwise she would die. She got mad. Die? My dream-figure? Suddenly she believes she exists? That she is identified with herself? What to do? Normally, I would just think she is nuts and simply wake up, that she is crazy indeed! But she caught me. I began to explain, that it is just a dream ­ my dream ­ and that this is nonsense. She started to cry. What to do? After all, in the dream I had loved her and I remembered the feeling. I didn't want to hurt her. Unexpectedly I again forgot that it was just a dream. I was as nuts as she, identified with my dream-body. We were sitting together, full of fear of waking up. And I forgot that only I can wake up. But nature does follow certain paths and moves on. Too long I had been sleeping, and again I crossed the edge towards waking up. And again she acted as if she were crazy. Well then, I had to "heal" her. All dream-figures are normal and don't bother about dream dying. But she surely was psychotic. So, I called a lot of therapists in order to make a normal functioning dream-figure out of her again. I did all that was possible. Also a lot of "breathing" because of my emotions. Take this foolish identity away from her! I trusted the therapists. And again I could not wake up. "First she has to be healed, since I love all of you so much" I told somebody that I wanted to wake up, and that it is so paradoxical. All of a sudden they were all coming over to me, wanting to heal me. There were the therapists; they wanted to make a normal functioning dream-figure out of me. Then there were the idiots who believed I should be just working, getting children, etc. They were to ignore. They said, if the dream is "good", then I will have a "better wake up" somewhere else. I didn't get that. Then, there were the philosophers; they started to think about whether it is a dream now or not. And does life after waking up exist? And can one allow me to wake up? Some had cults, religions, and were convinced that if I just strongly believed the words uttered by somebody long ago, then I would surely wake up very nicely. Yet, if I do not believe it, after waking up I will immediately have to fall asleep again and have to dream on, yet I will look different. Others reckoned I should forget that it is "my dream". No, it is somebody else's dream; that person should be called "God"; and if I do not believe this, I will wake up in a terrifying place. I told them, "I can only wake up where I fell asleep, can't I"? Yet with them communication failed. Like robots, they repeated the same lines over and over. After a while I ignored them. And the scientists! They were eager to precisely examine the laws that underlie this dream world . Like it is true for most dreams, visual things were peculiar. All the time they questioned "Why? Why?". I have created my dream for me and they wanted to knock it down into all single components. Sometimes I saw that lunatics were coming ­ yes, all of a sudden all were so crazy- who meant to help me. "Teachers", they called themselves. They thought they "knew", how to wake me up. I should be doing funny postures with my body! they named it yoga or tai chi. Then I surely will wake up! And others supposed that before waking up, my dream-body had to be totally "healthy", so they stitched needles into me. They told me in order to wake up, one needs the right "balance"; otherwise it won't work. And without a strong "Hara", no waking up anyway. I believed them and started to practice and practice. Some times, nature was stronger. Another time, since my real body was already well rested, I was about to awake. I was able to see through this madness and stopped all the exercises. Yet, shortly before, others came and caught my attention. They asserted that they were awake. They called themselves "enlightened". And a lot of others believed them. They came to me and said: "There is nothing to do, simply surrender to your dream". They said that I should continue dreaming, but consciously, knowing that it is just a dream. They said that they were "awake". I did not exactly understand. Awake? From MY dream? I felt jumbled. Those were the ones that confused me! Were they visitors from another dream? Were they part of my dream or separate? And again my head nearly split and I could not wake up. This riddle had to be solved. My real body started to rebel; I could feel it even "through" my dream-body. It started to vibrate, and the ones that call themselves the "tantrics" told me I should simply enjoy all. Chakras, kundalini, energy and so on. Yet, they were better than the ones that simply guessed I was nervous. Well, I could indeed manage to simply connect my dream-body with my real body. "True yoga" indeed, hour-long bliss and orgasms. The dream reached a new quality. Independent from the outside, it was from the dream itself. But what to do? As time passed by, all were gone again and I was left alone. Alone with my bliss, connected with my real body. Once prophets came and thought to be able to look into my dream-future. They meant to know when I was going to wake up, when all were going to wake up. Totally mingled people. I have called all these people insane but didn't recognize my own insanity, since I believed that I was separate from them. That is the way that I ­ through them ­ valued myself and identified myself. And forgot that it was just a dream. And forgot who I really am. All were making me so mad that I myself got crazy, not knowing anymore what there is after waking up. Now there was fear of the total unknown. I knew it was a dream. But if it's not "real", how should I enjoy it? Would I be captured within the dream, within the illusion, forever? What should I do as a dream-resident? All of a sudden others were coming and started to "believe" me. That I am "awakened". They greatly misunderstood me and wanted to "know" how to "wake up". From MY dream? Perverse. Danger! They might call me "enlightened" and I can neither dream on in peace, nor wake up?! Should I now in my dream start running around, telling them that I am only dreaming? Totally nuts! Once more identified with this personality I am in the dream? Playing the "master"? And all of a sudden believing that others are able to wake up from my dream? What for? What to do? Where does this mania come from, that I first have to convince everybody that it is only a dream in order to enable myself to "come back home" again? The illusion of having a "task", a "mission" in the dream? What bullshit! How long can such a dream last? Did this dream exist even before me? Will it continue after the total awakening? And: Am I not already totally awake? I have dreamt something. A beautiful, nice dream. Yet: Shortly before waking up, one of the lovely dream-figures became hysterical. I must have been crazy