Paul Ferrini

It is important to look at your own negative mindstates so that you can recognize them. Each person must learn to see how s/he creates personal suffering by holding a negative attitude toward the events and circumstances of life. If you don't see how you do this, you will do it unconsciously. And then you won't understand why your life is difficult.
You will blame others for your problems: your parents, your spouse, your children, your boss, maybe even God.

I ask you to take responsibility not just for what you do, but for what you think. I ask you to understand the power of your thoughts to create negative emotional states, from which ill-considered actions arise. See how the thought "Nobody loves me" leads to the state of feeling unlovable, disconnected, envious of others who seem to have love in their lives. See how the thought and the subsequent emotional state breed hostile actions, which push others away.

The thought "Nobody loves me" becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. By thinking this thought, feeling unloved, and acting in a hostile way toward others, you separate yourself from the very love that you want.

Next time the thought "Nobody loves me" comes into your mind, please be aware of it. If you find yourself becoming depressed, please be aware of it. If you speak or act in a way that separates you from others, please be aware of it. Don't judge yourself or try to change anything. just bring your awareness to the whole dramatic cycle from thought to action.

Become aware of how your negative mental and emotional states create suffering in your life. See how your negativity becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Every time you succeed in separating from others, you substantiate your belief that "Nobody loves me." But the truth is that this experience is your personal creation. It is not true that nobody loves you. The truth is that you don't feel loved.

As you watch your drama unfold, it will be easier for you to take responsibility for it. Then you will begin to tell the truth to yourself. When the thought "Nobody loves me" comes into your mind, you will recognize it and reword it in a more truthful and responsible way: "I see that I am not feeling loved right now."

Instead of trying to make "others" responsible for your not feeling loved, you will be taking responsibility for it. This simple shifting of responsibility for your negative feeling states from "others" to self is the beginning of healing and correction. When you know that you are not feeling loved, you naturally ask the question "how can I feel loved right now?" What you realize as you explore this important question is that the only way you can "feel" loved is to "think" a loving thought. Loving thoughts lead to the emotional state of feeling loved. And out of this positive emotional state actions arise which connect you to others.

Now, it doesn't matter if this loving thought is about yourself or about someone else. Any loving thought will do. Love is completely unselfish and unselective. Whomever you love will do just fine. When you offer love to another person, you are also offering it to yourself.

When fear and doubt arise in your psyche, you either entertain them or you don't.
If you entertain them, you will end up believing that someone else is responsible for your unhappiness and you will feel powerless to change it. If you don't entertain negative thoughts when they arise, you will remind yourself again and again that you are responsible for everything you think, feel, and experience. If you want a different experience, you must choose a different thought. You must substitute a loving thought for a fearful one.

The reason that you are always looking for love from other people is that you do not realize that love comes only from your own consciousness. It has nothing to do with anyone else. Love comes from your willingness to think loving thoughts, experience loving feelings, and act in trusting, loveinspired ways. If you are willing to do this, your cup will run over. You will constantly have the love that you need, and you will take delight in offering it to others.

The fountainhead of love is within your own heart. Don't look to others to provide the love you need. Don't blame others for withholding their love from you. You don't need their love. You need your love. Love is the only gift you can give yourself. Give it to yourself and the universe resounds with a big "Yes!" Withhold it and the game of hide and seek continues: "looking for love in all the wrong places."